


Just a Saturday Night

by Iben



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-30
Updated: 2015-05-30
Packaged: 2018-04-02 01:55:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4041214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iben/pseuds/Iben
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loneliness is something Kimi knows too well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just a Saturday Night

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Schist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schist/gifts).



There was just one lamppost in the parking lot. Below it the stars were drowned out, but just a few steps outside the white cone of light you could see them. Thousands of them, bright, twinkling like in that childrens' song. 

Kimi stepped out of his car. It was quiet. The town was small and the woods crept right up to the edges of it. The houses almost looked incongruous at times and the people who lived here had a sense of temporariness about them, as if they were somehow surprised to find themselves here and already ready to leave.

The gravel crunched under his boots as he walked across the lot towards the door. It was a bar but it had been something else before that. A squat building with only a small neon sign in one of the windows that simply said 'Beer'. Inside the floors were grimy, but the tables were usually wiped clean. 

He recognized quite a few of the patrons. He worked with a lot of them during the day, but he would hardly say that he knew them. The loud noises from the machines made conversation mostly impossible, and most of the guys weren't interested in having them anyway. He wasn't interested. He worked, he saved as much as he could, and when he had enough he was going to leave. Go someplace else. 

Conversation was sparse in here too, even though the only competition was the low twang of a country song on the jukebox that sat in one corner. Kimi nodded hello to a couple of guys, Jenson and Sebastian, Nico was there too, as he made his way up to the bar. 

He ordered a beer, then drank it while looking at nothing. There wasn't a TV behind the bar, not even a mirror. Bernie owned this place, just like he owned the mill and most of the town. There wasn't a whole lot to do around here. There was no movie theater, no coffee shop, no gym or anything really, just a diner that was open during the days, and this place. So people came here to have a good time, but no one really did. It was the only entertainment available. Well, almost.

When he had finished his beer he left a couple of bills on the counter and got down from his chair. A couple of other guys were walking back to their cars as well. Kimi got into his truck and waited for a short moment, until they had left the parking lot. Everyone knew exactly what everyone was doing on a Saturday night, but he didn't feel like driving right behind them.

The street behind the warehouse and the one intersecting that, that's where they always were. They came up from a town a little south of here, a place that was slightly bigger and slightly less desolate. They came on the bus, or so Kimi had heard. Just like he had heard that it was actually Bernie who had arranged for them to be shipped up here for the weekends. A shitty bar and a couple of prostitutes, nice of him to try to keep the men happy. 

In another place, in another time, Kimi would have felt like a world class freak, driving noticeably slowly along the street like this. He hadn't waited quite long enough, he could see the red taillights of another car a little ahead, stopping briefly, long enough for a girl to get in, then taking off. He looked out the window. She didn't always come. On those nights he drove back to his room, both relieved and disappointed, and jerked off, wishing he could have picked up one of the other girls instead and telling himself that next weekend he would. 

He wondered if he was her only customer. He couldn't imagine any of the other guys going with her, but then none of them probably suspected he did either. He sure as hell didn't want them to find out. 

The street was deserted now, but he could see a girl lurking in the shadows, but it wasn't her. Maybe she hadn't come. He tried to pretend that didn't frustrate him. But then he turned the corner and there she was. 

He checked the rear-view mirrors. There was no other car behind him. He slowed down even more and then, when he was just beside her, came to a full stop. He didn't need to do anything else, she knew exactly what that meant, there was no other reason for anyone to stop here.

The car door opened and she got in. The cool night air and a faint smell of wood drifted inside with her. Kimi didn't say anything. 

He didn't bring her to his room. He never had, and probably never would. He didn't want to be seen. Also, in a room, who knew what else would happen. That he did this was bad enough. 

There were plenty of dark places to go. You could drive through the entire town in a matter of minutes. The tall trees and empty shadows that surrounded it were vast. He turned off the engine, but didn't look at her. He saw her out of the corner of his eye anyway. She had a thin coat on, but now she shrugged it off. Her dress was short and her shoulders bare, showing lots of brown, smooth skin. She had to be cold, standing on the street corner. 

She didn't say anything as she reached for his pants. She had tried talking to him, the first time, told him her name was Louise. He knew that was a lie. She couldn't be called Louise, because she wasn't a she. He hadn't told her his name. 

Her fingers were deft, getting his belt unbuckled and his zipper down in no time. He was half hard already, just in anticipation, and it only took a couple of strokes of her hand to get him all the way. She leaned down and his breath got stuck in his throat when he felt her mouth around him. Warm and soft and firm. Her tongue, caressing him just so. 

He glanced down, knowing she couldn't look back at him right now. Her hair was a wig, it was obvious because it was a plastic kind of shiny blonde, and her skin tone was much too dark for that. Also, he'd seen other parts of her. But he wasn't looking at her hair; he was looking at her shoulders, the expanse of her back. She was thin, but he could see the muscles beneath her skin. She was a man, obviously so, despite the make up and the clothes.

He came and his breath escaped him in a strained staccato. She straightened and he tucked himself back in his pants. 

“You want the double?” she asked, her dark eyes trained on him. He nodded without meeting her gaze.

She leaned back a bit, angled her body towards him. It had taken him quite some time to work up the courage to ask for this. His English was clumsy and bad at the best of times, but it had been close to impossible to form those words. She understood, though, said it cost double. 

Now she hitched up her dress. She was wearing lace panties, but beneath them he could see the outline of her dick, her testicles. Because she wasn't a she at all and that was why he went with her. With him. 

He hated that he liked this. The smell and the feel of her. Having a dick in his mouth got him hard again. Still, he preferred to do it this way around, because then he could drop her off right away after. Be alone with his shame, the taste of come still on his tongue. 

That's what he did this night too. Paid her, dropped her off and drove back to his place. Hoping, praying even, that no one had seen him. There, in the confinement of his room, the hopelessness came over him, like it often did and he didn't know what to do with it. Louise didn't like him, he knew that, he paid her. And maybe that was what hurt the most, because where would he ever find someone who did? 

He had tried going out with girls, but even if you ignored the fact that he never knew what to say, the physical aspect, on those times it had gotten to that, just didn't work. He couldn't get it up, or if he did manage to, it took him ages to come. He'd given it up because it was only humiliating. 

He took out the box he kept under his bed. He had a small gun in there, and money. Everything he'd saved. He counted it, even though he already knew how much there was. Would it be enough, soon, maybe? He didn't know, because he hadn't decided what to do, where to go. Someplace else. A bigger city, maybe. A really big city, like New York or L.A., perhaps. There were people like him there.

It just seemed impossible. Even if he had the money, found a place to live, found a job, what would he do? He wasn't any good at talking to people. He couldn't picture himself in one of those places. He couldn't picture himself in some kind of gay bar, or whatever, either. He didn't know anything about that world. Just thinking about it made his skin crawl. 

He put the box back under the bed and turned on the TV. He'd save a little more, then decide. He wondered if Louise would come next Saturday, then decided he wouldn't go out to find out. He was going to stop. This was the last time. He told himself that every weekend.


End file.
